mirror mirror on the wall...

There is a mirror in our bathroom here. It's pretty big. It covers the entire wall above the sink area. And there's another mirror on one of the side walls, a little medicine cabinet. Lots of mirrors. The big mirror on the wall has a line down the middle of if. It's true. At first I thought the mirror was cracked and broken... but it's not. One afternoon while I was brushing my teeth I was standing in front of this mirror. I took a step to the side, just a tiny little step and instantly I was five hundred pounds fatter. For a moment I was a little concerned. How on earth could brushing my teeth make be gain ten hundred pounds. And how could it happen so quickly? Also, you would think that by my stepping and walking around I would not gain weight, but loose it. I like to tell myself, every little step counts. So I take lots of little steps. All day long. In hopes of not gaining even two pounds.

Anyhow. Suddenly, there I was, mouth full of white toothpaste that was spreading to cover my lips. As I stood in front of the mirror, memorized by the fact that I had instantaneously gained hundreds of pounds of fat. The toothpaste slowly trickles from my mouth to my chin. Gross. I take a step towards the sink, spit, rinse, wash my face. You know. When I look up I am my smaller self. No longer am I ten hundred pounds. huh.

I take a step to the left, and it happens again. I shift my weight to the right. I'm skinny. I go to the left, I'm chubby. This pattern continues on for longer than I would care to admit. I like going from instantaneously small to big and chunky. kehehe. This is so much fun!

And apparently a sign I have been home alone for entirely too long.

And that I am majority procrastinating.

When the hubs comes home and is brushing his teeth after dinner I hop into the loo and say, "Look Hubs! I'm chubby!"

Hubs looks at me like I'm lost my mind, but with kindness in his eyes. He's always so kind. And sweet. Even when I've quite clearly lost it. Which I must admit is more often than not. "You look the same to me," he muffles with a mouthful of toothpaste.

"No. No. Look! Here! I'm fat!" I move an inch to the side, "And now I'm not! Ha!! Isn't is great?!" I'm beaming up at the hubs.

"Huh. Sure," he sweetly reassures me.

"No! Look! Here!" I pull him over an inch, point into the mirror and say, "Look! Now I'm tiny! And... Now I'm not! I'm so chubby! Look at that. I've gained five hundred pounds!" I am far too easily amused.

"Ah! I see. How about that," he smiles at me. "It doesn't work for me though," he says as he shifts his weight from side to side.

"You've got to stand sideways. See," I say with the voice on an expert mirror shape changer. And I give myself a nice big round tummy to show him how to do it correctly.

"Huh. Well. Neat. Good trick." Hubs walks out to the living room. I follow and shuffle out to the kitchen and start on my not so nightly routine of washing the dishes...

Mirror, mirror on the wall, make me chubby, make me tall. ...But only when I look at you.