Thursday, July 22, 2010

choking ... a lot

The other night it was a bit nippy out, so the hubs and I thought it'd be fun to go for a little splash in the pool ... and then run and hop into the hot tub immediately after. So we did. I don't really like people all that much (especially at a swimming pool... I don't like to put up with their shenanigans) so I try to avoid them at all costs. The hubs had walked past the pool minutes before we cooked up this plan. He said, "There's only a few people there. Maybe 3 or 4."

"Ok," says I. We grab the towels and head over. ....Only to find 57 people at the pool instead of a measly four. Good. Gracious. There was a party going on with loud reggae music blaring and everything.

But you can't very well go to the pool, dressed in a swim suit, armed with towels, and not swim. No. You just can't do that. So no matter how much you hate people, you have to stay and do something. "Well, we could put our feet in and see how it feels at least," says the hubs.

We go plop down on the edge of the pool and dangle our feet in the water. Compared to the air the water feels surprisingly warm. "Wanna get in?" I ask the hubs.

"I will if you will."

"Alright. Let's get in then."

"You first," the hubs grins evilly.

"Promise you'll get in once I'm in?"


I jump in. The water is fine. ...and a smidgen chilly. But only a little. "Feels great!" I smile up to the hubs who is still sitting on the pools' edge.

"Sure..." for some reason he doesn't believe me. I wonder if it's because my lips are partially blue and purple. He keeps sitting and not getting in. What a liar.

"Liar," I tell him. I am very disappointed. After swimming alone for twenty minutes and calling him a liar with his pants on fire about a hundred times, the hubs gives in.

He jumps. And splashes. And comes up shivering. "Freezing! Now look who the liar is!" he triumphs.

I just keep swimming, just keep swimming.

There is a hot tub by the pool. Our original plan had been to get in the hot tub. But when we got to the pool and discovered 70 people there we had to change the plan a little bit. So we did. That didn't stop us from giving the death stare to the people in the hot tub. Nope, not one bit. So we stared. Taking turns of course, to make it look like we aren't. We also plot of how to get them out of the hot tub, cause it's just always a little awkward when you go sit in a crowded hot tub with a bunch of people, especially strangers. While we plot and wait we practice our hott water moves. You know the ones. The movies stars do them all the time. They one where they are swimming and then come up out from the water breathing like it's nothing, eyes open like they aren't on fire from the water that trickled down in them, shaking their heads like they're all cool and stuff. You know what I mean. I know you do.

So I try it. I hold my nose and go under. Gracefully, I lift my head up from out of the water. I shake my head, and smile. The hubs is dying. He can't stop laughing ... at me. "No!" he manages to say between his belly rolls of laughter.

Way to make me feel good. I try again. Same result. After a few more failed attempts and ten years worth of laughter, it's a useless cause. The movies are fake. No one can really look hott when coming up for air from the water. Nope. It's not gonna happen. You either have to hold your nose and even when you don't you come up coughing and sputtering and choking (not hott) or keep your eyes open (which cannot happen because the water gets in them and then you go blind... or lose a contact... so pretty much, either way, you end up blind) or your hair gets in your face and no amount of head shaking is going to get if off. So you have to push it out of your face quickly so you can breathe. At least now I know I will always come out of the water coughing and sputtering and choking for air. And I will always have to have my eyes tightly shut cause I don't want to be permanently blind.

After five hours of waiting for the hot tub to be free of strange people, it is not. So we march on over there, determined that if we do, the people will feel really awkward and leave. Which is exactly what happened. After exactly one minute and 43 seconds of us getting in the hot tub to party with them, they all said, at the exact same time, "Huh, wonder how the pool feels?" Got out and jumped in the pool. Where they stayed. Until we got out of the hot tub, picked up our towels and walked to the gate, at which point they promptly jumped back into the hot pool of water. Our evil plan worked. So, if you ever don't want to be in a small space with strange people, I might suggest giving it a shot. never know... or, I guess, you might actually like people, in which case, you would probably not rejoice when the people left you alone in the pool. huh.

just a thought...

1 comment(s):

L-Dizzle said...

Well, my orginal plan was to stand above the hot tub and pee in it. Hannah didn't like that one, although I'm sure it would have been just as affective.