Friday, September 10, 2010

physical education

Yesterday I was a P.E. teacher. I called and told the hubs, "Guess what?!"

"You are going to fix lunch?" he questions.

"I got a sub job!" Of course I would only be excited about this. Subbing it pretty much the best thing ever. ...or maybe not. But still. I never turn down a sub job.

"That's great! Do you know what you will be teaching?" He's so swell.

"Elementary P.E." I state matter of factually.

"Wait, could you repeat that? It sounded like you said, P.E."

"I did. I'm teaching P.E. today."

"BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA," I'm glad he's so easily amused. Actually, if you know me, which you might, or you might not, you would know why the hubs was laughing so hard. I am the least athletic person on the face of this earth. I hate running and jogging and if I can avoid walking somewhere, I will (ok. well, that might not all be entirely true...). Well, you know, unless I really want to. Be active. Which really rarely Ever happens. Ever. Pretty much never. My least favorite subject in school was not Math (even though I loath the very idea of it) but P.E. That was ten thousands time worse than math. I'd rather pull my hair out of my head trying to figure out a dumb math problem than put on a pair of tennis shoes and run one lap. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" the laughter continues. "Oh, man. That's hillarious."

Really? I couldn't tell he thought so.

P.E. is a good thing to sub for though. I make children run : ) It is glorious. Then they come up to you all sweaty and I can't help but laugh an evil laugh inside. But seriously, it's good. I make them run. They are allowed to be loud so I don't have to keep telling them to hush. It's nice.

I subbed today too. But it wasn't P.E. But I did make them hush. It was glorious. I even brought tears to a few children's eyes. I'm not mean, really I'm not. In fact, I'm really quite nice, and I'm sure that the kids take advantage of me more than I make them cry. I'm trying to change that though. And that is why a little girl cried. Almost. kehehe. o my. Now you probably think I am the most cruel person ever in the world. But I'm not. I can reassure you of that. I'm a Baby Whisperer (or so I've been told) I can take a screaming baby, hold him (or her) and she stops. And most of the time they usually fall asleep in my arms too. It's quite nice really. So, if I make babies stop crying, I really can't be that mean, now can I?

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