Wednesday, September 8, 2010

going to the dentist

People tend to dislike the dentist for some crazy reason. Personally, I enjoy going to the dentist. That's not because I've never had a cavity in my whole long life either. I've had more than I care to share. In fact one time I had a dentist tell me I had 23 cavities. She was crazy. Just a little bit. I don't go to her any more. I've also had a ridiculously large one that was pretty unpleasant. When I saw a little chunk of tooth in my hand I about lost it. I called the dentist and informed them I needed to come in. I had an emergency. It really was an Emergency, thank you very much, and I needed to get my tooth fixed before I have to have a root canal! Thankfully they got me a spot right away. Unthankfully, the next day when I was in the dentist (after I had explained to them over the phone that I needed the cavity filled asap and I knew it was a big one and I knew it would take a long time... after they reasured me they could fix it the dext day, no problem) they only cleaned my teeth. nice. Then the dentist came in and poked and prodded around in my mouth with her sharp and shiny metal picks and drills for about two hours. After which she promptly informed me that my cavity was far too large for her to fill that day and she didn't have time. Naturally the first thing I said to her (with a mouth full of cotton swabs and fluoride and little plastic blocks) was, "Waff?! Arf yoff srioffs?! ... yoff safd... my toof!! Af cenf coom baff. " She looks at me like I'm a child and nods her head with a smile on it. As though she's agreeing with me. As if I was saying something nice to her. I don't know why she didn't answer my question. I have never spoken with more clarity in my life. o brother.

So they made another appointment for me. So I had to take off another day of work and go in again to have my tooth fixed. Good gravy. Unfortunately (again) for me the dental assistant that was helping her on this particular day... on this particular mouth (mine!) was new. Completely. Now, I know you have to start somewhere, but really. It wasn't the day, the time, the mouth, or the tooth to start on. No. No. No. For starters, she couldn't find the right spot in my mouth to give me the mouth numbing shot. So, instead of only getting two shots like I was supposed to, I got seven. five from her and two from an experienced assistant who immediately said, "What are you doing?!" when she saw what New Girl was doing. Not the words you want to hear when people are stabbing you with needles and injecting the numbing medicine in your gums. After which she fixed the situation right away. But then... she left me with New Girl again! New Girl was told to put the big fat rubberish block thingys in the back of my mouth. She put it in my throat. Excuse me. I need to breathe! After an hour of her shoving and cramming things in my mouth she smiles, satisfied with her work. I'm not smiling. Then comes the tricky part. The part where she about suffocates me. She shoves something else in my mouth! It has this big circle thing that sticks out so they can see better (I guess. Who knows what it's Really for). After she gets that in (and after breaking a tooth) she attaches a blue rubber bit to the outside of it. She asks me if I'm comfortable. "Wf uf fing?" I manage to say. She adjusts the blue rubber cloth thingy. It ends up covering my nose. I cannot breathe. I mean, literally. I cannot breathe. I was using my nostrils for that since she had so unkindly blocked the airways in my mouth. And I'm not about to try to move it with my hands as I have no idea what's going on up there and I really do not want to mess it up for her to have to redo. No thank you. So I begin to suffocate. Thank goodness the dentist came in after she finished. I think I've never been more relieved to see the dentist (even the crazy one) actually. This is what she says to New Girl, listen: "Oh No!!! You can't do that!!" Definitely Not what you want to hear your dentist say. Told you I was right about that blue thingy being in the wrong spot. sheesh... As the dentist is reprimanding New Girl she is saving my life by adjusting the blue rubber cloth. "fafs," I smile gratefully at her. Truly grateful.

After that there was just lots of pressure. But thankfully my mouth was entirely numb (thanks to the seven shots I was given). Unfortunately 20 minutes later I had to teach the lesson at school because the teacher went home sick. O well. I only bit my tongue about ten thousand times. I think.

But still, I like a little visit to the dentist every now and again. Call me crazy. I like how my teeth feel pretty and pearly and shiny and white afterwards. ...All that to say the hubs and I need to go the dentist again. I haven't been in a while and it's been even longer for the hubs. So I called and made an appointment.

After I made the appointment I had to register to take the teacher test. I signed up for the soonest test date. Which happened to be the day after the appointment. Which wouldn't be too bad except we are driving a few hours to get to this particular dentist (I'm not going to a new one again until I absolutely must and I'm not going back to the crazy dentist). Because of this I called to reschedule the dentist appointment. I didn't want to have a sore mouth and be sleepy from the drive the day before the test. Also, I didn't want to spend all that money on gas to just turn around right away.

So I called and changed it. No problem. After about thirty minutes I called right back to make sure both my appointment and the hubs' had been switched (sometimes I'm a little forgetful and also kind of obsessive). Cause it would be bad if they hadn't. The dentist answered the phone. When I asked him to double check he did so delightedly. Everything was in order. Good job me. The hubs asked if I had changed the appointment. "Yes. Yes I did," I told him proudly.

"Well, you're going to have to change it again."

"What?! Why?!" I did not want to call the dentist again.

"I can't go that day."


"Sorry," I can hear him smiling and even laughing a little bit on the other end of the phone.

"But, really? I just called! I don't want to keep calling and changing the dates!"

"I can call if you really don't want to. What's the number?"

"Oh. Fine. I'll call," I pout. Then find the number for the teeth man and call. Again. When he answers the phone (again) I cheerfully tell him, "It's me again! Sorry, but can we please change the appointment, again? The hubs has a conflict with that day."

Thankfully Teeth Man jokes with me, "Is he causing you trouble?"

"Oh, you know, the usual," I kid back. And thankfully he is able to change the appointment, again.

Tonight we found out we have something else that same weekend. The hubs looked at me and laughed, "You do realize it's the same weekend as our dentist appointment."

"I'M NOT CALLING!!!! I'M NOT CHANGING THE DATE, AGAIN," I playfully shout. And I'm not. I'm not changing it. Not again. We are going to the dentist on that day. Wether we like it or not. so there.

1 comment(s):

Jillian said...

oh Hannah! I just love your writing! Very entertaining and I think it might be what you writers call "imagery", but whatever it is---you definately have it!