Evil Saturday

Two trips to the store, one box of tissues, two boxes of cold medicine (one for night and one for day- obviously), ten pencils, and one pencil sharpener later I was ready. For bed. It's true. I suppose most people might brush their teeth (at least I would hope), comb their hair, floss (but really, who flosses every night? I mean, I sure don't... unless you're my mum reading this, in which case I floss every single night before bed, yup : ), gargle some mouth wash, take your contacts out (unless you have perfect eyes, in which case, you're not my friend), and possibly take a shower (unless you shower in the morning in which case you wouldn't), climb under the covers, and turn out the lights. I suppose, that is a typical night of getting ready. I mean, most people do that before bed, right? Right. Really, I suppose I did all of that too... but I wasn't even ready to get ready for bed until I was ready with my ten freshly sharpened pencils.

It was Friday night, I had to be across town and at a test center to take the evil teacher test by 7:30. 7:30 on a Saturday morning. Now that is an abomination. For real. Since I have the bestest hubs in the whole wide world, he sweetly took me to my doom. And when I was not ready to leave his side he pushed me out of the car (though he did say a prayer with me first) armed with half a box worth of tissues, and went away to enjoy the rest of his morning (i.e. sleep). I on the other hand had to take a test.

The first part I thought would be simple enough, go inside the building, and tell them I am there. Thankfully there were a bunch of ladies out in the hallway eager to help. I told them I was there and asked what I needed to do. They said, "Find your name!" ok. Find my name. I wasn't really expecting to find my name on a folder before the praxis or anything, but since they insisted, I looked for my name. Nope. No me listed. huh. I tell them I am missing, they ask me to wait. After about an hour of twiddling my thumbs and trying to whistle, two other girls start looking for their names. They are missing too. At least I'm not the only one. Then the nice helpful ladies ask if we want credit for this and what school we go to. I was pretty sure all I had to do was bring my license, I didn't know I was getting credit to take the test. Turns out, I wasn't. Unthankfully, I was in the wrong spot. Thankfully the two girls knew exactly where the nice helpful ladies told us to go. So I followed them. Up the stairs, through the hallways, pass dozens of doors. Until I see it. The line. The door of doom. The room in which my fate will be determined. I think I am going to be sick. O wait, I'm already sick. Never mind.

So I wait in line. Praying and praying for calm nerves. Good gracious. I Hate taking tests, especially this kind. The kind where you can study for weeks and months and years and still fail. The kind where someone who never studied at all can get a higher score then you can even though you studied for six months. The kind that are unpredictable. The kind that you have to pass if you want to be what you have been working towards for your entire life (or for year). The kind you have to have lots of sharpened number 2 pencils for. The kind you have to read questions and fill in bubbles for. The Evil kind of test.

They let me in (thankfully?) and I sit down. It's 7:34 on Saturday morning. I am sick. I cannot breathe. My nose is stuffy. My throat is burning. My eyes are itchy. I pull out my pile of tissues and lay them on my desk. Before the tests even starts I have a quarter less than what I started with. Long 2 hours. I pray for a clear head (i.e. no stuffiness). And start filling in my bubbles.

You know, I read many different instructions and guidelines for this test. Every single thing I read said, "No Phones Allowed" and if you did have a phone, and if it did go off while you were taking the test, you were disqualified, you had to call your school and cancel your scores, and then sign up to take it again. Well, about half way through the test a phone beeps. My face goes white. Or red. I'm not really sure. There wasn't a mirror there for me to look into to see what color my face was, either way, it was not its regular color. And when I say face I mean face, not nose because my nose was already bright tomato red... even though I was using the Puffs Plus Lotion tissues. They are the only tissues I trust my nose to. They are the softest and the thickest. They are the best tissues out there. I would know. I have used every single brand of facial tissues and toilet tissues out there. You could probably say I go through at least one box of tissues (the big family size boxes) in a month. By myself. I've set a new record (maybe): in a week I have gone though two whole family size tissue boxes. Now that's a lot of snot.

So, the phone beeps (more like chimes really). Just once. The two test administrators stand to their feet, prowling the room like lions about to pounce, not wanting to give away their presence. They are also somehow able to hover like vultures about to go in for the dead toast. I'm trying so hard to concentrate, but all I can think about is how the phone sounded and I knew it was close to me. I read the same question ten times before realizing I had already read it. I just could not concentrate. No wonder they tell you not to bring any phones in. They are plain old distracting. They never found out whose phone went off and went back to their seats.

I breeze through the rest of the test (well, you know, kind of, sort of, but not really) and when there are only 30 minutes left a phone rings again! Ah! Stupid people! You are Killing me! And this phone is sitting right in front of me. And I mean right in front of me. The girl bends over and rustles in her purse to find and silence her phone. Too late. She's been caught. Test Lady comes over and quietly says to her, "I'm sorry, you're going to have to call your school and have them cancel your scores." She takes Phone Girl's test booklet and answer page off her desk and gives it to Test Man who quickly goes to work writing Void all over it (or something like that, I couldn't really get a good look from where I was sitting). Ten minutes go by and Phone Girls' phone rings AGAIN!!!! Are you kidding me?! I mean really?! You didn't turn your phone off after the first time it rang?! What an idiot! So, again, I am distracted for ten minutes on the phone situation instead of the essay task at hand. Not a good time to get distracted. Not at all. The whole time I was sitting there worrying that my phone was going to go off and that my test would be ripped up and I would have to pay again and take it again. Not a pleasant thought. And even though I knew it was sitting in the car with the hubs, I couldn't help but think it had somehow found it's way into the room and was lurking near me waiting to go off. Even though 1. no one Ever calls me. b. it's early on a Saturday morning. 4. No one ever calls me on a Saturday morning. .... oh, but this would be my lucky day. The day when Everyone in my entire phone book would think, "Huh, you know, I Never call Cupcake, I ought to give her a ring, even though it is not even 9 on a Saturday morning I'm sure she won't mind..." it's true it would happen to me. Thankfully my phone does not have legs and it did not follow me into the test room and my test was not torn to shreds.

Thankfully the test is over. Thankfully I had one tissue left to spare at the end of it. Unthankfully I have to wait for a month before I can find out if I failed it. o my. I really hope and pray that I didn't.