Friday, November 12, 2010

Evil Test Round II

Today I am scared spitless. Or breathless. Either way, I'm scared. You see, in the morning I have to take another evil test. The one I thought was all over and done with. The one they lied to me about. Well, it's here now. And guess who has to take it? That's right, you guessed it. Me. o brother.

What's especially terrible about it is that I have been studying for it. And now that I have taken the whole practice test, I am even more terrified than ever before. I mean honestly. They really expect me to remember everything about every developmental phase about kids for every smart person there ever was. While yes, I have done well in my classes, it doesn't mean I will do well on the Evil Test PLT. No. Not one bit. Why? Because here is the difference: for my classes, I got to use my books and there was no time limit or pressure of having to make a certain score and pass it tomorrow because if you don't you're pretty much screwed. It's true.

My brain is jello. My heart is a bomb ready to explode. I would much rather stay home and make scones or something else equally yummy and enjoyable. But I can't. And this Evil-ness is all I can think about. And I want to study more (and I'm sure I will) but I don't. Because I wonder how much good it will even do me. None I am sure.

I talked to my advisor lady at school and she said I would pass it, that I would do a great job. Some lady in one of my classes said she didn't even finish the test and she passed it. Everyone is nice and encouraging (which I suppose I would much rather hear encouraging lies than the truth: you are not going to pass) and all. Which I really truly appreciate. But I can't help but be scared. And I just don't want to take it and I'm sick of reading and studying for it and reviewing and trying to remember who thought up the eight developmental stages and that you aren't supposed to slap a child if they exasperate you. I just don't know. I just don't want to.

It might not be so bad if I knew I had the luxury of taking it again, but I don't have that luxury. It might not be so bad if I didn't have to wait a whole month to find out my scores.
It might not be so bad if I didn't have to take it at all. Well, then it would just be really quite wonderful. But it's not.

And you know, for all this state makes it teachers do the education of the students isn't nearly as great as you would think (but don't tell anyone I said that because then I might get in trouble that would just be dreadful). O brother.

So. If you are up tomorrow between the hours of 7 and 10 you should try to say a little prayer for me that I beat the test into the ground and can celebrate my passing it in a month. I'm serious though. Cause those are the hours I will be driving to my unfamiliar destination and taking the test. You could also pray that I don't get lost. Cause that would be really quite terrible.

Anyhow. That is my most dreadful news and story for today and the past few days and that is all I can think about. What's sad about it is that I know worrying does absolutely no good, but I can't help it! ah! I just need to calm down. I just need to remember to breathe. I just need to pass that Evil Test. I just need to...

2 comment(s):

Anonymous said...

be assured of our prayers for you. peace from our Father in the midst of uncertain and uncomfortable circumstances be with you. blessings.

Cupcake said...

o thank you! they were very much appreciated : )